The Boy has two things that he does that really gets under my skin and just makes me want to turn into that parent that you see on Cops. We’ve been potty training, which is not fun for anyone apparently, but The Boy is doing fairly well with it. The problem is that he can’t figure out that when he’s pooping, he needs to do it in the potty instead of in his diaper. We’ve got him down on a pretty good schedule as to when he’s going to poop each day. All things being equal, he’s going to poop very near to 10 AM. I’m sure you really wanted to hear that, but the kid is like clockwork with things like that. He’s going to end up being one of those old men who you can set your clock by his poops, and if he can’t then he’s probably sick.
Anyway, so I’ll purposefully ask him if he needs to potty around the that time. He’ll sit there and maybe pee, but no poops. I’ll make him sit there and wait and I’ll say, “Try to poop.” He won’t do it. He won’t do it and eventually I tell him that he can get up. Then, not kidding, 20 minutes later he’ll be poopy. That raises my ire faster than anything.
Ok, so he did that. The other thing he does is he’ll say he’s hungry and he’ll decide what he wants to eat after some discussion. I will make or get whatever he says he wants, usually after some kind of trouble, and then he’ll not eat any of it. It’s not something he does on purpose to piss me off, but those two things are about the worst things he can do right now. He did them both to me.
The Girl has been working 3AM to 3PM. I literally JUST got into a pretty good sleep schedule for that work schedule and I let her come home and take a nap, then she’ll get The Boy to bed and I’ll sleep. Normally I just don’t sleep when I have to wake up with The Boy and be with him, so it’s kind of a big deal that I spent two or three days actually sleeping well.
After The Boy does his shit, The Girl comes home, I let her nap, I give The Boy a bath and all that, then she takes over and I go to sleep. I am upstairs, swimming in a puddle of my own drool and sweat, when The Girl comes in to look for her phone. That’s fine, but her phone was in the bedroom somewhere, and I was busy thinking I was some kind of tank running along a road. That was cool, but then she woke me up again, presumably because she was still looking for her phone, and she says something to me like, “You got a tickle in your throat,” because I was coughing. I was so fucking out of it that I didn’t even know I was coughing until she said something. She wakes me again when she comes to bed to sleep at 11-ish.
Fuck. Me.
